Old school MySpace profile jokes I made up after drinking 10 cans of Red Bull. Imagine if I went to 11!
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Between good and bad lies the word “and”.

A lot of money went into making this page for your enjoyment. Not from me, of course, but from that guy who runs Fox Television. He spent a shitton of money on this website. Like billions. Because he knew that giving away free stuff is the best way to make money. Like when I gave away a pencil once, and I totally didn’t die on the way home that night. Worth it.

Is the next word you look up the meaning of, hebetudinous?

If you are visiting me from another country, then I welcome you. If not, well, not much I can really do about that.

The last thing I want to do is be first.

Feast your eyes on this. But don’t make your mouth jealous, feasting your eyes and all.

Is it true what they say? It goes away if you don’t rub it too much?

I quit MySpace because of too much drama. Well, call me quitter because I am back.

Please do not finish this sentence unless you really mean it.

If you could ask God one question, would you ask him two thinking you are a journalist?

Happiness is when you no longer take drugs to escape life, but when you take drugs to explore life.

They say that too much television rots your brain. Well, I believe being smart ruins your enjoyment of television.

Ladies first. Well, unless the right to vote is brought up.

Read this sentence again and prove to me that you aren’t confused that this sentence has no predicate.

I pee lying on my side. Just to be different. And messy.

Seek shelter before the storm. That is, if your buddy Shelter knows how to survive tornadoes.

Don’t ask. Don’t tell. Don’t use proper sentence structure, either.

Is there more to life than not feeling fulfilled?

Tonight we dine in Hell! Tomorrow, China Star.