March 2012
1 post
Braaaiiiinnss
Dear TV show watching Internet users and friends, here is an unsolicited lengthy explanation of why you will enjoy season 3 of Walking Dead (October 2012). Since I was once professionally a movie critic (OC Register Teen Panel - deal with it) my opinions are at least 92% factually awesome and inspire fireside chats. First, go watch all of The Walking Dead so when I spoil bits below you won’t...
January 2012
1 post
Yuck
Statistically I have less days remaining on this earth than time already spent. Reconnoitering the future has become increasingly important to my day as has contemplating what benefit I’ve given to the legacy of the entire human race. It’s easier now than ever to see past the meteoric amount of bullshit my fellow man is capable of gestating. Recently, I’ve learned about the...
December 2011
2 posts
Aaaaaahhhhhhhh
Old school MySpace profile jokes I made up after drinking 10 cans of Red Bull. Imagine if I went to 11!
—————————————————————
Between good and bad lies the word “and”.
A lot of money went into making this page for your enjoyment. Not from me, of course, but...
Maturity
The thoughts expressed in this image I made and below are why I recently quit my customer service position at a video game company. You have to read the whole thing to win the prize!
Humans are capable of accomplishing amazing feats for very little reason. On May 25, 1961, President John Kennedy requested one small little favor of the people of the United States; He suggested we go to the...
October 2011
4 posts
Success
This will eventually contain the closing of first chapter of the Reboot. What success really means.
Killers
This will eventually contain text about what’s so fascinating about murder. o.O
Control
This will eventually contain text on why I hate shopping and traffic for the same reasons. How I would like to manage routine via computer. Why OCD is highly inconvenient.
Futility takes hold as I query Google for the answer to the ultimate question: “Why bother?” Believing the eerily precise numbers in the results to a related question, “Just how many hours do I waste of my...
Uggs
This may surprise you, but I’ve never invented anything that made me a millionaire. But, I also never invented Uggs. And, I’m going to enthrall you with entertaining text that describes why I’m better than that guy.
Uggs, or Ugg Boots as they’re called by Eskimos, are a most atrocious form of footwear shaped like moccasins with extended padding around the ankle. Or, as...
September 2011
2 posts
Sanity
On this day of remembrance, I wanted to say a couple things. Terrorists will be terrorists with or without our help. Bad things will happen. Smaller bad things can be prevented, like being hurt in a car wreck if you wear your seat belt. But the bigger things like 9/11 require a lot more than you or I are capable of on our own. I’m grateful for and proud of the men and women, like my nephew...
Challenges
Competition is the underlying fundamental motivator that drives the human spirit. Almost every major action we take is, at the root, some form of competition. The highest form being the challenge. Challenges keep us alive. Allow me to explain via my usual nonsensical grandiose manner.
Gravity reigns supreme as the ruler of challenge distribution. Every force that moves our bodies must navigate...
August 2011
4 posts
Intelligence
Got a dilemma, tonight. Every post, I would like to provide the most entertainment possible for as many readers of this blog, as possible - present and future. At the time I post this, maybe 6 people read this blog. I anticipate in the (hopefully) not-too-distant future I’ll have thousands or more. It could happen. Currently, catering would be very easy since I know my audience somewhat...
Synesthesia
Someone you know may see the word differently than you. I don’t mean how a colorblind person would see red as grey, or how someone without sight would experience the world through sound. No, I mean, someone will see the world differently because they’re hearing it, or smelling it, as they’re seeing it.
Synesthesia occurs in approximately 1 in 23 people. Sometimes referred to as...
Unwritten
Several years ago I was pretending to be a screenwriter. My junior high school friend was making an actual million+ budget movie and suddenly a universe that seemed unconnected to this one opened up.
I like the way I write but I may be the only one. Nothing surprises me more than coming back to something I’ve written awhile ago and wondering who the fuck it was that put that shit to print....
Mistakes
Humans may be the only animal to experience regret. Bad choices and harmful actions are just a couple of the sources for regret in our lives. There’s nothing positive that comes along with it. You can experience the opposite of regret, with pride and celebration. However, regret is a negative emotion or feeling and is likely a sub-emotion of remorse or even more deep-down, evolving.
As a...
July 2011
3 posts
Procrastination
WARNING: This post is overly dramatic and somewhat depressing - like me. But, that’s because this post is about me. You’ve been warned.
Let me tell you something about anxiety. Anxiety is an ability animals have developed and mastered through evolution for predicting the future.
Don’t bother looking up the Wiki link to prove me wrong, because you’ll be disappointed...
Accountability
Only one force in this universe could culminate in the arguably questionable yet successful existence of one Kanye Omari West - inventor of such soul reaching, inspired lyrics as
“Don’t try to treat me like I ain’t famous,
My apologies, are you into astrology?
Cause I’m, I’m tryin’ to make it to Uranus..”*
That force is a lack of accountability.
...
Reboot
Some time last night, in between shots of Patrón and absinthe, I decided to reboot the internet. It was time to shut down, and restart. A reboot isn’t easy; had to hack the mainframe and close a lot of programs still resident in memory. Apologies to anyone in the middle of downloading pirated Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows torrents, but it had to be done. You know how sometimes leaving...